"I Saw What I Saw", Sara Groves
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSdP6PqsbJY
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Estimated timelines
As this seems to be a very common question asked I thought I would post the information on wait times. Please do note that all these times are approximate and a many number of things could affect the timeline.
Now that our Dossier is completed and notarized and we have provincial approval these are the steps we are still waiting to complete:
- Legalization by foreign Affairs 3 weeks
- Authentication by Embassy 3 weeks
Processing of File in Ethiopia:
- Translation, legalization, and authentication 4weeks
- Adoption Committee Approval 4-8 weeks
- Child Proposal 1-9 months (we will be on the high end as we are requesting an infant)
- Immigration paperwork 3-7 months*
- Adoption Finalization 2-8 weeks* *done simultaneously
- Travel to Ethiopia 4-7 months after child formally accepted
Now you can see why we refer to each step as one of many!
Now that our Dossier is completed and notarized and we have provincial approval these are the steps we are still waiting to complete:
- Legalization by foreign Affairs 3 weeks
- Authentication by Embassy 3 weeks
Processing of File in Ethiopia:
- Translation, legalization, and authentication 4weeks
- Adoption Committee Approval 4-8 weeks
- Child Proposal 1-9 months (we will be on the high end as we are requesting an infant)
- Immigration paperwork 3-7 months*
- Adoption Finalization 2-8 weeks* *done simultaneously
- Travel to Ethiopia 4-7 months after child formally accepted
Now you can see why we refer to each step as one of many!
Monday, September 24, 2007
Interesting facts on Ethiopia
Ethiopia Fast Facts
Population - 77,431,000
Capital - Addis Ababa; 2,723,000
Area1,133,380 square kilometers(437,600 square miles)
Language - Amharic, Tigrinya, Orominga, Guaraginga, Somali, Arabic
Religion - Muslin, Ethiopian Orthodox, animist
Currency - birr
Life Expectancy - 42
GDP per CapitaU.S. $700
Literacy Percent43
Ethiopia Borders Sudan, Eritrea, Somolia, Djibouti and Kenya
According to the World Health Organization (WHO):
1.3 billion people live on less than $1 a day
One in three children are malnourished
One in five children are not immunized
Every three seconds a young child dies - in most cases from an infectious disease.
As a result of war, poverty, disease, and death, many children are orphaned or abandoned. The cycle of poverty, disease, and premature death must be broken.
Population - 77,431,000
Capital - Addis Ababa; 2,723,000
Area1,133,380 square kilometers(437,600 square miles)
Language - Amharic, Tigrinya, Orominga, Guaraginga, Somali, Arabic
Religion - Muslin, Ethiopian Orthodox, animist
Currency - birr
Life Expectancy - 42
GDP per CapitaU.S. $700
Literacy Percent43
Ethiopia Borders Sudan, Eritrea, Somolia, Djibouti and Kenya
According to the World Health Organization (WHO):
1.3 billion people live on less than $1 a day
One in three children are malnourished
One in five children are not immunized
Every three seconds a young child dies - in most cases from an infectious disease.
As a result of war, poverty, disease, and death, many children are orphaned or abandoned. The cycle of poverty, disease, and premature death must be broken.
Dossier is off to Foreign affairs
We got a letter on Friday (Sep 21/07) that our dossier has been checked and notarized and is on it's way to foreign affairs. Hopefully our dossier will be in Ethiopia by the end of October.
Then we will be officially waiting!
Here's hoping for a speedy referral!
Then we will be officially waiting!
Here's hoping for a speedy referral!
Friday, September 14, 2007
Attachment issues information
When our baby comes home, she/he will be very overwhelmed with his/her new environment. New sounds, new smells, new sights, new pets! And most of all, new parents It’s really important that our baby to be able to understand that Dale and I are his/her mommy and daddy. In order to build this relationship, we will be the only ones to feed our baby or comfort him/her for a while. We will also limit the amount of holding and cuddling by other people (even loving grandparents!) because we want to make sure our relationship with them is established as parents/children, (so that they don’t think Grandma, for example, is their Mommy.) It seems a little extreme but there is a ton of adoption research that supports these methods of building the parent/child bond.
Here are some Tips for Friends and Family we found really helpful from http://www.a4everfamily.org
Do
1. Offer household help (running errands, preparing meals that can go right from the freezer to the oven, etc.) so the mother can spend more time holding the child.
2. Trust the mother’s instincts. Even a first time mother may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to “normal” behavior.
3. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the mother to see and understand.
4. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.
5. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby’s world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.
6. Tell the baby every time you see him what a good/loving/safe mommy/daddy he has.
7. When the parents need someone to care for the baby for a night out, offer to babysit in the child’s home. (After the child has been home for a substantial period of time.)
8. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Grandma, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not “attached” can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents’ requests.
9. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
10. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!
Don’t
1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.
2. Underestimate a new mother’s instincts that something isn’t right.
3. Judge the mother’s parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder and bond to his parents. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child who has had multiple caregivers.
4. Make excuses for the child’s behaviors or try to make the mother feel better by calling certain behaviors “normal”. For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.
5. Accuse the mother of being overly sensitive or neurotic. She is in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.
6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child’s experience has been that mommies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.
7. Put your own timeframes on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn’t understand…after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.
8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.
9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.
10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.
Here are some Tips for Friends and Family we found really helpful from http://www.a4everfamily.org
Do
1. Offer household help (running errands, preparing meals that can go right from the freezer to the oven, etc.) so the mother can spend more time holding the child.
2. Trust the mother’s instincts. Even a first time mother may notice subtle symptoms that well-meaning family and friends attribute to “normal” behavior.
3. Accept that attachment issues are difficult for anyone outside of the mother to see and understand.
4. Be supportive even if you think everything looks fine to you.
5. Allow the parents to be the center of the baby’s world. One grandfather, when greeting his grandson, immediately turns him back to his mom and says positive statements about his good mommy.
6. Tell the baby every time you see him what a good/loving/safe mommy/daddy he has.
7. When the parents need someone to care for the baby for a night out, offer to babysit in the child’s home. (After the child has been home for a substantial period of time.)
8. As hard as it may be for you, abide by the requests of the parents. Even if the baby looks like he really wants to be with Grandma, for example, he needs to have a strong attachment to his parents first. Something as simple as passing the baby from one person to another or allowing others, even grandparents, to hold a baby who is not “attached” can make the attachment process that much longer and harder. Some parents have had to refrain from seeing certain family members or friends because they did not respect the parents’ requests.
9. Accept that parenting children who are at-risk for or who suffer from attachment issues goes against traditional parenting methods and beliefs. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child with attachment issues.
10. Remember that there is often a honeymoon period after the child arrives. Many babies do not show signs of grief, distress, or anxiety until months after they come home. If the parents are taking precautions, they are smart and should be commended and supported!
Don’t
1. Assume an infant is too young to suffer from emotional issues related to attachment. Babies are not immune.
2. Underestimate a new mother’s instincts that something isn’t right.
3. Judge the mother’s parenting abilities. What looks like spoiling or coddling may be exactly what the child needs to overcome a serious attachment disorder and bond to his parents. Parenting methods that work for many children can be detrimental to a child who has had multiple caregivers.
4. Make excuses for the child’s behaviors or try to make the mother feel better by calling certain behaviors “normal”. For example, many children who suffer from attachment issues may be labeled strong-willed by well-meaning family members. While being strong-willed can be seen as a positive personality trait, this type of behavior in an attachment-impaired child may signify problems.
5. Accuse the mother of being overly sensitive or neurotic. She is in a position to see subtle symptoms as no one else can.
6. Take it personally if asked to step back so the parents can help their child heal and form a healthy and secure attachment. You may be asked not to hold the baby for more than a minute. This is not meant to hurt you. It is meant to help prove to the baby who his mommy and daddy are. Up until now the child’s experience has been that mommies are replaceable. Allowing people to hold the baby before he has accepted his forever mommy and daddy are can be detrimental to the attachment process.
7. Put your own timeframes on how long attachment should take. One mother was hurt when she was chastised by a relative who couldn’t understand…after all, the baby had been home six months. It could take weeks, months, even years. Every child is different.
8. Offer traditional parenting advice. Some well-meaning family members will tell a new mother not to pick the baby up every time he cries because it will spoil him. A child who is at-risk or who suffers from attachment issues must be picked up every single time he cries. He needs consistent reinforcement that this mommy/daddy will always take care of him and always keep him safe.
9. Fall into the appearance trap. Some babies/toddlers with attachment issues can put on a great show to those outside of the mother/father. What you see is not always a true picture of the child. Even babies as young as 6-months-old are capable of “putting on a good face” in public.
10. Lose hope. With the right kind of parenting and therapy, a child with attachment issues can learn to trust and have healthy relationships. But it does take a lot of work and a good understanding of what these children need.
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